The day after tomorrow is the Qingming Festival again. At the time of missing the deceased and giving thanks to life, I am filled with sorrow and remorse. Seven years ago, as a result of my obsession with Falun Gong, I forced my husband into believing in "elimination of karma" that was advocated by by Li Hongzhi and would not allow him to see the doctor, thus costing him his life in the end.

I used to have an unwealthy but happy family. My husband was a teacher at Huangshan Town Primary School of Yishui County. Though his income was not much, but it was enough to support the family. Our two sons behaved themselves, and my mother-in-law, who was in quite a good health condition, helped me a lot, for my health had been quite poor. A rural family as we were, we lived together happily.

However, after I joined Falun Gong, the peace of my family was forever broken. In 2001, the most tragic thing happened—my 54-year-old husband died of Falun Gong.

In 1998, I joined Falun Gong for the purpose of curing diseases and body building. After practicing for a period of time, I felt much better. The troubles with my back and legs disappeared, and my spirits were lifted. I was not aware that this was the result of my continued physical practice as well as of psychological suggestion at the time. Thinking that it was the effect of  "elimination of karma" talked about by Li Hongzhi, I compelled my family to practice Falun Gong by all means.

My husband was the one that had been forced into practicing Falun Gong by me. It was in the summer of 2001. Due to long-time desk work, my husband was sick with scapulohumeral periarthritis again. Seeing him caught in the pain, I was filled with unusual excitement instead of showing any concern for him, for I knew that the right opportunity to persuade my husband to practice Falun Gong had come.

Naturally, I asked him to learn some movements of Falun Gong first and told him, "Practicing the movements for the purpose of health concerns is not propagandizing Falun Gong. It is no big deal." And my husband, who had always been opposed to my practice of Falun Gong, listened to me this time out of eagerness to cure his disease.

He had little physical practice before and his body was not limber. Moreover, he was already 54 years old, and his limbs were aging. So it was really quite hard for him to start practicing Falun Gong movements all of a sudden. Fearing that he would give up the practice for not being able to sit cross-legged, I encouraged him by saying, "The movements of Falun Gong can be achieved by practice. As long as you keep practicing, you will see the effect." As my husband tried the movements of Falun Gong every day, together with my encouragement and suggestion, he felt that the pain lessened, thus starting to have some faith in Falun Gong.

So I took the opportunity and told him that "the government was wrong in cracking down Falun Gong. Go and read the books of Master Li if you are doubtful." However, before he finished reading the book Zhuan Falun (Turning the Falun), on July 13, my husband broke his leg for putting too much force on the leg when trying to sit cross-legged. He begged me to send him to the hospital, but I told him that "this is the result of eliminating karma by the Master" and the Master said that "practitioners would not have any risks." Several days had passed, and the leg of my husband had become too swollen to put on pants. I was a little worried seeing him sleepless in bed because of the severe pains, but the words of Li Hongzhi kept on showing up in my mind, "Apart from the elimination of karma carried out by the Master, the practitioner himself should take on a part as well, so one will feel bad, like being sick. Practice is cleaning you up from the origin of life." Therefore, I insisted on not sending my husband to the hospital.

My mother-in-law, who was more than 70 years old then, almost fell on her knees to me, crying, "If you go on like this, you will cost him his life!" When she finally had her two grandsons (my two sons) working away from home called back, their father was already dying.

The death of my husband aroused the abhorrence of my family and the whole village. They accused me of being so foolish as to believe in "elimination of karma" of Li Hongzhi. However, I was still too obsessed to give up Falun Gong. Instead, I even thought that my husband died because his karma was too heavy while his orthodoxy conviction was not strong enough.

It was not until more than one year later that I changed my mind. Facing the tragic lesson that Li Hongzhi and Falun Gong had brought to me, I cannot forgive myself. I would give my life to expiate my sins if it were not for my aged mother-in-law and my two unmarried sons.

For six years, in order to compensate my family, as well as to calm down my repenting heart, I have been working away from home. Though I have received much help from many kind people, it has been pretty hard for me, for I am already 59 years old. However, I feel that as long as I can do my filial respect to my mother-in-law for my husband with the money I have earned, my life is valuable, for I feel the happiness of living my life for other people.

As the Qingming Festival is coming, I have to speak out what has always been on my mind. In this special way, I want to tell my husband the wife that caused your death was Falun Gong cult practitioner, but the wife that loves you is me!

(Facts.org.cn, May 26, 2008)